That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
