that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
