I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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