Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
