That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
