his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
