Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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