my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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