addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
