Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
