a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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