Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza