I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.