Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
