Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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