I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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