I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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