There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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