If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
