We're like a lot better than the average bears
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
