i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
