After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
