ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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