i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
