I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
