My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
