Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
