i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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