he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
