Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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