remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
