Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
