butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
