You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
