You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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