I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
