He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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