i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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