Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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