it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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