My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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