The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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