Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need to stop coming to work sober
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
