Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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