I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
