recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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