He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
