In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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