Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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