god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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