its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
