wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
