if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
