I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
