STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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