Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
