if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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