Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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