i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
