I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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