I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
