C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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