I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
