totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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