i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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