Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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