Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry my hands just texted you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
