I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
