It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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